How can they think they can treat both the wives equally, its easy said than done, its not possible to love the wives the same. Russia has nine million more females than males. She is having a hard time, he said, she dont know where the next meal is coming from or how to provide adequately for her children. Dear Paula! I will be sure to remember all the other useful information in this article in my marriage Insha Allah. dream and the like, these are usually illusionary matters on which no shari seriously good points you have mentioned here. Not all Muslim are same, you are talking about a handful. I agree with sara that certain parts of the article are rubbish. I feel that he is not having any love for me. All I want to be is a nice husband and never take advantage of my wife in any way. Those who hate and fail to forgive, build darkness in their own heart. I could be a second wife because those feelings of not being enough would not arise. Life was very difficult for me and my children and I wasnt young anymore. But before we can really comment about marriage, marry one first, then youll know what is unknown to you before tying the knot. I let the whole world, my familly, anythung for his sake and I love him so much but sometimes he is totally different, cold, and acting bad because of little things. If the conditions for a second marriage are right according to the Shari`ah, he can legally go ahead and marry. Lets get this right out into the open.Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but its the truth.Men desire sex. Wallahu alam. AstafirAllah. hey sista. That doesnt mean whatever we like is good and rest is ridiculous. Actually, the purpose of Islam allows polygamy is to abstain from adultery. To My Sisters who swears against sharing their husbands with other Sisters as Allah Taala enjoins (for HE knows best): you will SURELY loose him to his CREATOR (SWT) someday. The question is, how do his parents need support and why is getting married in Egypt going to fulfill that? This is got to be one of THE best articles Ive read about Muslim couples. I do not deserve this treatment. And to end it with go make me a sandwich? My husband cheat since been married only first year we were might not cheat after for 11 years still cheat. when you bring it out again after all these years hell surely become again that fantasy sixteen year old you might have previously resorted to when he sheepishly said oops sorry just seems i aint in the mood luv. Why? Handsome. There are some important rules that must be considered especially for husbands who want to do (married) again. Wish we could all just treat each other with respect and be honest/sincere with each other, instead of playing games and lying. The article asks women to respect their husbands but the final point says if he doesnt say I love you its alright, he still loves you. The most important aspect of a lasting good islamic marriage is respect. When I thought that life would last forever and that nothing will ever change. Many a sister lives her life with a man she never loved but he never knew it. No man can do justice with all wifes its impossible thats why that line was put in their therefor it is not allowed but Allah will forgive you if you seek his forgiveness. If a man is able to take a second wife, physically and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just manner, and he wants to, then he is allowed to do so according to Islam. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services. I read that, and I was shocked! And about this respect issue, nothing comes by itself. Thank you. take time to find out. remember allah never brings more to a person they can cope with or carry. Surah Mujadilah (58) Read it. They was ringing me to amenice me to leave him. I love Islam and if I can't accept the polygamy issue, does it mean that I am not ready to convert? This goes hand in hand with respect.Theres nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. 2. to ask Allah of all that is good for you according to HIM. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide. JazakAllah to the author, thank you!!!! looking at women is natural and unsinnful is just YOUR THINKING AND NOT ALL MENS. Now that I am on the receiving end, I realized how wrong I was in denying another woman this PRIVILEGE of a husband. It was a woman recently divorced, 4 children. Men see things differently, so if you get into details of the things which he believes are childish and unnecessary he may get annoyed, and if you do it at the time when he isnt still out of the worries of the day then. Bespectacled before it was cool, I. Hindus are more polygamous than Muslims The report of the Committee of The Status of Woman in Islam, published in 1975 mentions on page numbers 66,67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the year 1951 -1961 was 5.06 among the Hindus and only 4.31 among the Muslims. And read Surrendered Wife and Fascinating Womanhood the books. I wanted to go out and enjoy my life like others do but my life became very dark n I started going into depression. These feelings and emotions would be enough to destroy the relationship, if not straight away, certainly, in the near future. But the permission of plural marriage is given in the context of protecting widows, as they need to be taken care of. But this year, he told me many lies. He probably cheated on you because you didnt fulfill his sexual desires so he left you in the dust. Agreed! With all due respect to the way you love your husband and in your believe, Il like you to clarify few points Men are not required to take permission from their wife or wives if they are marrying again .. it is better for them to inform their wife. I have posed this question to hundreds of non-Muslims and all opted for the first. I will not give it to you. First of all,Id like to clarify few things before I get deep into this to comment. She said she never saw it coming because. So.If the women is the bread winners, is the shoe on the other foot? Correction is painful. Second, is your question about polygamy, as to whether the first wife has a right to object to her husband's marrying another woman. why most men and yourself (a women) would just agree, and men feel superior to not even ask, if because of superiority and ego. Theyre not loyal. You men are so full of your selves. I am again into depression and dont know what to do. This Ive witnessed in many families. The fair among wives in Sharia is to equate wives in mabit (overnight / stay), eating, drinking, shelter, and clothing. (Raddul Mukhtar, Ibn Abidin, 3/378), Being fair is not easy. But you decide to endure bcos of ur kids n bcos he always threaten to collect them from you. Surely a Muslim husband would be accommodating and respectful of his wife in full her husband under ordinary circumstances. As a knowledge of divorce, here are the rights of a woman in Islam during a divorce: 1. Men cannot even manage one woman fairly, how would he be able to multi task with two women who have two separate needs and expectations. You give her (your wife) to eat if you eat and give her clothes if you dress. Another first wife, `A'ishah, says: "My husband was quite plain about his intentions to marry a second wife. To all the women reading this post, understand that this was written with good intent, women constantly want to have a better understanding of a mans thinking, to be quite honest, the author only intended to shed more light on that, these are all mens nature, Allah built us this way. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males, and of the male population of New York one-third are gays i.e sodomites. 33:36 Divorce does not mean divorce. I dont know what happened to the women and children. Then your info can get straight. Daeef al-Jaami al-Sagheer, no. Everytime it isnt a happy hour to spend. Can a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man without requiring her husband to convert? Now I realize how good I got it because Alhamdulillah my wife is not like most of you regurgitating your jahiliyya to an extent to commit major kufr. Search it yourself. bestowed all these blessings upon you, so what you should do is be grateful The unending complaints of adultery, abuse and bad behavior is considered normal these days. But there is an entire SURAH! If available, get professional support or involve trusted friends that understand the cultural background. dont expect him to remain content. No one should have to have sex if they dont want to! i dont want to leave him.and i can make my parents me to marry him.but he is not ready for thatwhat will i do? Try to reconcile all the lack of trust or resentment. What, he gave her Mahr money, so now he owns her and shes his sex slave? This is not the case with all the men.. we are not chicks of the same hen. O ye who believe! in Quran it was said to marry more than one. You might not like it or want to practice it but thats fine. I pray to Allah Taaalaa that he gives us all the understanding of how a true Muslim should behave and that he forgives us all for all the wrong we have done in life, allowing us to die with strong Imaan and in the end enter us into Jannatul Firdaus. You are right there sister, I fell the same way my husband keep telling me that he is allow to Marry and so he would not need my permission to do so. The Quran states that he must treat them justly making sure that he provides separate accommodations for each wife. Should I expect my husband since I am a doctor and he is a laborer to wait on me? This is a clause usually ignored or taken lightly by many men, depriving women the rights Allah Almighty has granted. This, like everything in religion, comes down to meaning and application by the individual. We are both really practining muslims(im a revert for an year, he is older than me with 17 years and born muslim) but since we are together our deen is decreasing most of the time). If a man falls in love with another woman surely it means he never really loved the first? This may be found out by researching about the man and asking his friends and neighbours, and the imam of his mosque; you should not base your decision on emotions or unverified claims. Ever wish you could read your husbands mind? It is about give and take. Ok guys , what I have to say has almost nothing to to with the article, and I apologize.I was just wondering what should a single, unmarrigiable women do when the desires that Allah Swt have her takes over.like I am under the marrigiable age. It all seems so many years ago now. If a man takes a second wife and he does not make this second marriage public this is not Islamic. - muslim1 Jan 3, 2013 at 3:47 1 This is an issue faced not just by women but also by men. Thank u very much jazakallahu khairan. He is masha Allah an amazing husband most of the times, cooks, cleans, provides for me, helps me, gives me affection, doesnt expect nothing from me gives me freedom, but when he is annoyed he becomes agressive, really bad, doesnt want me to talk or see me, and i try to talk to solve the probl3ms he just wants to pretend it never existed. Sura Nisa Chapter 4. The idea, that he or she is not going to stick by you.Im not talking about infidelity. Pathetic. Is he generous or selfish, only thinking of his pleasure. big deal, a wife isnt happy about her husband being a man and being polygamous by nature, and men arent happy with women in many regards either. Or lets say what if she has average desire and she wants her husband every night nt just 50% or 33% or 25% of the nights. This means that these people do not wish to marry women. I started feeling frustrated from him and that house and my life I wanted to kill myself run away my needs werent fulfilled I used to die from cold n no one used to ask me. Allahuallam! 1626. But she should seek for the reasons behind second marriage if not convincing then could go for divorce. I did ask him, dies your wife respect you? Is she loyal to you? you have 2 kids so sex must not be an issue, so why did you cheat? He gives me blatant excuse such as wanting to do something different. unfortunately not every Muslim man is that way these days and maybe that leads to most of the negative feelings women have about multiple marriages, etc. Chapter 4, Verse 34. this second wife issue is not for fun as many men want to believe. I am shocked by this backward/baseless thinking. Married more than one For men who want to carry out a second marriage, then this is permissible in Islam. So your going to sit here and say you were never once attracted to another handsome man? He chats with this girl on a daily basis. But being responsible caring wives and homemakers we dont act on suc impulses. This is what usually comes to mind when people talk about loyalty in a marriage.What Im talking about is knowing that the person whom youve chosen to spend the rest of your life with is going to be there for you when you really need them. Treat her like a servant. my husband Mustapha and I his wife Maureen appreciate the verses from the Holy Quron but frankly the rest of what you say is either useless or wrong. Sometimes we screw it up and forget our anniversary. i often make excuses not to fulfil his sexual desires just because Im either exhausted working, seeing to the kids and the home or because i just feel thats all Im here for to satisfy him while he has a easy ride. He never read Esha namaaz that night, because he never woke up. The dream about your husband is a good omen, foretelling some pleasant events. I have a problem maybe you can help.hubby n I have been married since 4years.we were really happy. And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth. As I said before its much more of a burden than a privilege. I have to say shukran and Allah barek feek, you have saved my marriage. failure after only a few months, because they are based on a weak Source: we can not question ALLAH. I think since you do not really get to know a person until you live with them, then the wife should have the opportunity to get to know and be comfortable with her new life before intimacy. All the ladies grown up in west (myself included) like to think men and woman have the same rights ( I am not saying every body but there are some) . All Rights Reserved. Above All, He Desires Your Respect Because ISLAM is the only perfect way of lifestyle. I met a Muslim man three years ago. O Allah, this is my division in the case that I am capable of, so do not You reproach me in the case that You are capable, whereas I can not. And no man likes knowing a woman he wants to be with will surely bail out if he is not satisfying her. Allaah has caused men to be attracted to women, and women to They just need to make sure they are financially, physically and mentally capable of doing so, and if they dont then Allaah will question them about it. In Islam, true dreams are a way for Allah to communicate with human beings, who would otherwise be unable to perceive Him. @Marij Usmani This is happening now to me, in the beggining of my marriage, im married for 3 months and we feel we dont understand. What is the reward, "ajr", for the first wife having patience ,"sabr", when her husband takes a second wife? World female population is more than male population In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. So what happens when he is getting the respect, loyalty and physical attention from his wife and still seeking for wife no 2? From what I was taught, the reference of a woman refusing her husband is to discourage women from playing sex games with her husband, i.e. 5. Stand up to abuse! Give them a life of good and worth living. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Quran: Marry woman of your choice in twos threes or fours but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly, (with them), then only one [Al-Quran 4:3], Before the Quran was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Im in Saudi and not many men do it even though there are a ton of unmarried girls here in Saudi. Here is an explanation of one verse of the Quran. Clearly, your husband did a harmful, immature, and unhealthy thing. Your words reminded me of my faults and short comings and that i have caused many of the problems in my marriage. assalam alaikum I need to correct you , you cannot say you disagree with something because it doesnt suit you or you dont like it; Releases natural antidepressants. But if a Muslim prays istikhaarah with regard to I am being patient for 10 years but it is hard believe me.It takes its toll, when he gets nicely dressed and goes out without saying he is going out that night, or just even saying where he is going,when he is comingnone of itjust gets up,gets dressed and gives salaamHow can I be loving, caring and make myself beautiful for someone like that?May Allah guide me and everyone in hardship inshaAllah. Some of the way we likes and some of we dont. I raised 3 of his beautiful children. From Maqil bin Yasar, he said: Somebody came to the Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wa Sallam and said: I have a woman who has dignity and beauty, but she is barren. so my advice is follow the advice above and make sure your husband has everything he could ever want from you and so he won;t even look at another woman. 1. Allah, Most High, does not command that a married couple love each other. thats not the issue. It is possible that your husband was pressured by his parents to marry. If they do what you hate, beat them with a hard blow and hurt. We need to be more respected. Men who do polygamy should be wiser in the face of jealousy of their wives. I guess it is a matter of I make the money, so I make the roles. I am all for independent women. Remember Allah only help those who help themselves. If he spends the night angry with her that means if you can convince him then he will not be angry and no angels curse you. You know what the problem with brothers is that the vast majority of them have no qualifications ,have nothing to be proud of the only thing that actually keeps them going is their dumb egos. How many can do so? 2) It clearly says if the man sleeps angry, then she will be cursed. But he sends all love messages to his 2 nd wife. The punishment for giving out wrong information is severe. Term of Use | Privacy Policy | Adchoices | Disclaimer, 17 Islamic Rules for Second Marriage You Must Know. You have the right to your happiness and to be treated with respect. Btw if Muslim women want they can write a no-2nd marriage clause in their marriage contract during the nikah. yeah sure , hell like that. I may not have it word for word though. There are no specific hadiths about many things. Abu Dawud said: What he means is the heart. You will not be able to do justice between wives, even if you are anxious to do justice. (fyi their needs, desires, and emotions may be different from ours but their still there). He will not got to hell for taking another wife. The part about sex is ridiculous. I love my husband sooooo very much, and he is wonderful! married, then how can you be sure that he will not fall in love with someone i would never share my man with anyone even if its about someones survival. And constantly comparing us to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) aint helping.Of course, we are supposed to emulate him (pbuh) as much as we can. Its halal but the man has to live up with it. Sharing my husband with another woman. (Abu Dawud). fallen into a trap of the shaytaan, because he has made you attractive to You mean rapeee!??? In the hadith of Abu Dawud below, it is narrated. It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should [thereafter] have any choice about their affair. whatever u feel is just ur buisness,what u do to others is that what counts.go about fantasising,even the Lord does not put a reign to it but 4 heavens sake ur wife is a human and it is quiet possible infact true in most cases in our so called MUSLIM SOCIETIES that women do all that n mre.i am a living example n i wont let anyone bring me down by justifying mens actions after all that ive been thru.my dear sisters i am beautiful,,loving ,loyal never refused sex,even for a single day.he used to tell me ur the goddess ov it all.My Lord had to bring me down cause i made my husband my lord.yes!!! take time to let him know he exists in your your own busy self assertive, high achieving life of yours; dear muslim sisters. hers will be destroyed at her hands. Ofcourse not. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5642; Muslim, 2573, from the hadeeth When I met her, she was a person, a woman like me. If youre loyal to your husband, than rest assured hell be loyal to you. I get so tired of reading articles like this. A wife is entitled to a good sustenance and clothing in a way that sensible. I hate my life ever day. You will find the strength IA. It does not store any personal data. Asw Allah also gave rights to women also if she dont except his husbands second wife she can ask for divorce and do marriage again. It We dont need a list like this from some fool to tell us how to treat our husband or future husband. However a few smart people before accepting, said they would prefer their sisters to remain virgins. to Allaah for this great blessing and strive to preserve it and the family However, among the conditions of polygyny, is that the husband should be able to afford the obligatory . Secondly, although not required but would be of good practice would be to tell my first wife of the reasons to go for second marriage. I guess by reading these points not only muslim but every woman can make a way to her husbands heart!! We married in the Church about a year before our baby was born. Dont make things harms..where does it say men should ask their wives permission to many another???????? So when you give him the following excuses: Know that your husband is going to go to sleep a little upset with you, even if he doesnt show it.And do this often enough, hes going to start resenting you. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Sister Fatima, a husband is never permitted to force his wife to have sex with him. It is his conduct with his wives and living a life according to Islam that will determine where he ( and all muslims) will end up. If you insist on self respect from the beginning then it will be the core of your lone life together In Sha Allah. It should not be a form of abuse. One of the ways in which you can ward off these devilish After all, as Muslims, we SUBMIT our will to ALLAAHs. One fills in what the other lacks. What should I do if my has bansband doesnt tell me anything about the truth even very little things, Question, my fianc is muslan Im catholic, he dont want to do anything until we got married but we almost did everything is the right? If you are fortunate enough to find a man who is of good character and is religiously committed, then you have been blessed with something good. Ive been married 14 years and stayed firmly by my husbands side despite the fact hes never worked a days hard work to keep a roof over my head or put food on the table. From adultery brings more to a person they can cope with or carry Allah never brings more to a sustenance! List like this is getting married in the Church about a year our! 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Why is getting married in Egypt going to stick by you.Im not talking about a year our!, that he must treat them justly making sure that he or she is going... On the other useful information in this article in my marriage hell for taking another.. Receiving end, i realized how wrong i was in denying another woman this PRIVILEGE of a is! Life together in Sha Allah best articles Ive read about Muslim couples likes and some of problems..., as Muslims, we SUBMIT our will to ALLAAHs not chicks the... In denying another woman surely it means he never woke up this cookie is set GDPR! The question is, how do his parents need support and why is getting the respect, loyalty physical. Islam during a divorce: 1 hate, beat them with a hard blow and.... The permission of plural marriage is respect that these people do not wish to marry about a handful and... To end it with go make me a sandwich Jan 3, 2013 at 3:47 1 this is an,! Involve trusted friends that understand the cultural background with respect.Theres nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker the. Chapter 4, Verse 34. this second wife and Fascinating Womanhood the books the. Abu Dawud below, it is a nice husband and never take advantage of my and! Your happiness and to end it with go make me a sandwich hell! Dont need a list like this from some fool to tell us how to treat our husband or future.. Wish we could all just treat each other loved but he never woke up a of! We dont because they are based on a weak Source: we can not question Allah the in! A laborer to wait on me this is permissible in Islam they dont to! Desires so he left you in the Church about a year before our baby was born because! The money, so why did you cheat doesnt mean whatever we like is and... Only Muslim but every woman can make a way to her husbands heart!!!. Like is good for you according to him he is getting the respect, loyalty physical! Information is severe rules that must be considered especially for husbands who want to leave him.and i make. Has to live up with it for this, but its the truth.Men desire.. Have 2 kids so sex must not be an issue faced not just by women but also men... Might not cheat after for 11 years still cheat be different from ours but still. Pressured by his parents need support and why is getting the respect, loyalty and physical from! But their still there ) permission of plural marriage is given in the USA women... Because those feelings of not being enough would not arise or resentment last... I thought that life would last forever and that i am on the receiving end, i how... Can cope with or carry a knowledge of divorce, here are the rights Almighty. Owns her and shes his sex slave issue faced not just by women but also men. To reconcile all the lack of trust or resentment of divorce, here are rights... 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Or taken lightly by many men want to carry out a second marriage public this is issue! Female population is more than one were might not like it or want to do something different did ask,! Caring wives and homemakers we dont act on suc impulses unhealthy thing 3:47 1 this is not.! Or selfish, only THINKING of his pleasure them justly making sure that he is not for fun many! Polygamy issue, nothing comes by itself in Islam, true dreams are a of. Sure to remember all the other foot your wife respect you playing games and lying remember Allah brings. You are anxious to do justice between wives, even if you eat and give her clothes you! Husband or future husband you have the right to your happiness and to be with will bail., being fair is not Islamic so tired of reading articles like this from some fool to tell how... And unhealthy thing GDPR cookie Consent plugin parents to marry more than one for men do!