Im not suprised to be honest but what does get me is that Im practical a straight A/A* student and what gets me the most is that how am i meant to do anything if those closest dont even support me - all i ask is for a pat on the back - "your doing great and we love you" ; not just when I beat some distant cousin in some sort of irrelevant examn! Many parents view their children as THEIR possessions, even trophies. I have low self esteem and an inferiority complex. It is extremely saddening that parents always think that they are doing the right things from 1-10 and are ignorant of the psychological effects that will forever imprint on the child future and well being. Children need praise in order to assess the positivity of their performance and to continue with such behavior. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. Grew up thinking they were the best due to their work successes. Not only will your parents be pleased, but youll feel good about it too. However, they are doing irreparable damage and making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. I'm so shy but I refuse to blame my parents because they thought they were helping me. There are either low cost or free counselling services. When I slip up in an assignment or test, they zero in on it and start to talk to me as if I'm nothing but a mistake to them. Answer: It is called denial. Adults are just perverts to kids. (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 28, 2018: Mike, discuss your issue w/a trusted guidance counselor, relative, or a clergyperson. I have anxiety about so many things, and i wish I could just have a more positive life.. My mom pushes me to do too much work. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. My mom didn't make the same mistakes as my grandma so the cycle didn't continue. Teenagers who think they can do what they want, known they will get in trouble for doing it. Family doesn't mean blood all the time. Family Troubles-Parents Divorced, Low Grades, Feeling Alone? Discuss her concerns w/her. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. Click HERE to win them all! StuckHereRemainAnonymous on August 03, 2018: After reading this, it made me realise that almost everything said in it is happening to me right now and its all for the best and youll thank me one day. Support the choices they make and the lifestyles they want to live. I just want to cry most of the time. It's so frustrating and demoralizing. my parents not only performed all ten, i believe they were working on 11 thru 15! My mom is not as bad as my dad. Create a positive environment where the child feels that they are loved and respected. It's the sweetest season of the year, and we've got the best and brightest releases of 2023. now i just have depression wherever i go. Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. Unless your child is incapacitated (heaven forbid), this is not okay. The first therapist was more faith/spirit minded. Focus on building your child up and preaching positivity. Everything I wear, the way I look (hereditary), my choice of friends, my interests and hobbies are just wrong according to her and deserving of condemnation. Why I haven't turned out so great and I don't want anything to do with one of my parents. Question: If you know that your father was from a family of people who homicidally hounded family members to suicide by crushing their self-esteem, is it normal to continue hating such a person until old age? Instead, focus on helping your child develop good studying and listening habits so that they retain the information they learn in school and apply it to their homework and exams. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child's learning and growth process. i also developed social anxiety where id think certain people will be as bad as my mother. Parents try to discipline children for their own good. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on January 24, 2020: Speak to your mother & if she refuses to listen, you should speak to another relative or a school counselor. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 14, 2018: All this broils down to parental insecurity, when parents need to control every aspect of the children lives to assuage their fears. Emotional & Mental Health Emotional & Stress Management Relationship, Friendship & Family problems My parents never understand me! Watch popular content from the following creators: Mxc(@ventmxc), (@reyflock), miles . What should I do? Their overprotectiveness affects me in all areas of my life I can't associate with ppl, I can't make friend even in the choir, ppl say I'm rude and lack manners but I don't understand hw. Eventually I was allowed to quit it and actually head out with people who made me feel good about myself. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 01, 2018: Get counselling & LEAVE THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. They only care about my grades By Guest New Reply Follow New Topic Guest over a year ago My parents never understand me. They plan their children's lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond. For them, the mantra is that their children are to obey and nothing else. It's sad that for a while I liked about where I worked and what I made. Then as an adult, my neices' husband, after spending a few holidays at my parents house, once asked my neices' why she cared so much about me when I wasn't even her real aunt? Also develop self-confidence, you are a beautiful, worthy person- a child of God. I thought studying neuroscience was a amazing thing. Parents should encourage their children to think outside the box and be creative. Never picking the right man? Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. I don't care really anymore, I have my own drive now. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 22, 2019: Mee, talk to a counselor or a trusted family member regarding your situation. my parents always tell me how am disappointing and how I will fail my tests. Go here to submit questions to Carol about every sticky sitch life throws at you. From my perspective, I hate children. My goodness. Truth. You are precious to God. In reality I had tons of Ds and a few Fs, barely graduated with a really shitty GPA. that saounds toxic. On the other hand, children who saw their parents as putting more emphasis on achievements over being kind to others were more likely to experience negative outcomes, such as depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem, behavior problems, criticism from parents, learning problemsand lower grades. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 02, 2018: Your parents shouldn't ground you but get you academic assistance until your grade improves. With my dad everything always has to be his choice and both of them push me so hard that sometimes I cry. Question: Why did my dad always make me feel like I'm dependent, that I need help with money, and that I can't do anything without him? I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. i know i do things wrong.but my self esteem is destroyes. Seek counselling so you can heal. These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker. "when will that thing you ordered arrive?" My uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc Where raised. With toxic parents, children are better off away such "parents". We want to hear from you! There are individuals who aspire to uncommon goals and unique careers. I was always left to my own devices, which in a way was good since it made me independent but I experienced the same feeling of abandonment from friends my age too. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. I am expected to just go out in the real world and survive somehow, and nobody cares whether I sink or swim. Question: Why does my father point out all my flaws? Well, some individuals have goals and aspirations which are dramatically different and rare. I was always pretty tame and sensible-ish, but it is phenomenal that no matter how far away I got myself away from her and tried to succeed on my own, I had a sense of guilt, mixed with impulsivity and hyperactivity and anger and helplesness. Each child is unique. Thanks. Do you mean they don't make the figures you want me to make? I ask them to hang out with my friends they allow me but then they complain that I'm "always" out with my friends. I'm 29 this year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator. Both my parents never had caring conversations either, and didnt care if I need help, didnt care about my feelings or thoughts. and as i grew older i just detached myself from everyone except my siblings. My parents were quite pushy about grades with my brothers. I know school can be difficult and you will mess up quite a few times. I have thought about suicide many times and all I want is for my mum to stop comparing me to my elder sister and love me for who I am. You have no idea how much this sounds like my relationship with my parents. Why the hell would I ever want to do this to someone else, over two decades later it can still make me sick to my stomach recalling what she did to me. Sick of It. Struggling to cope with things beforehand were fine to me. They assert that such behavior should be a given. Guest What should I do to improve my relationship with my mother? Doing this will allow the child to develop competence and a positive sense of self. My heart rips itself apart going through the thought. Then they learned the truth. Just Cs and Bs so it wasn't suspicious. Disassociate yourself from this family & find people who respect/love you for what you are. I hesitate to feel proud of myself ever because in scared that my parents won't look at it to be proud of. There are parents who do not believe in praising because they believe that it softens and spoils kids and will make them conceited and think too highly of themselves. I am perfectly happy with what I do. It is FREE! Today I am 21, turning 22 at the end of the year & I suffer very bad PTSD, trauma, depression, and suicidal tendencies. I know where I've come from, what I've endured and experienced, and I've let others know about my life experience too; so if I go, people at least will know. Making mistakes = ineptitude + utter stupidity. Pray please pray to God in the name of Jesus because He has a purpose for you and your life. I sat in my room crying until i eventually ran out of tears or dad came back from home and hugged me. This child begins to lose what sense of initiative and risk-taking that they have and thus they become extremely anxious and risk-aversive, often not electing to attempt anything for fear of failure. My mother was did all of this, and molested me. Don't accidentally tear down your children's confidence. In these parents' purview, their children are incapable of doing anything for themselves. I'm doing this for me. You can't learn if you don't try. He obviously loves you. (My parents make me feel dumb.). I'm seeing a Dietrition soon to fix my diet and sustain the body I'm building. They also become passive, believing that they do not count. im in high school, i have all a's and one b. they act like its the end of the fucking world whenever i get anything less than a 100%, and i cant stand it anymore. My dad never molested me. The hazing at Scouts, Cadets from other kids, bizarre and inhumane. Probably because for my public school career I was bullied. When I was younger I had a really profound experience people found my perspective funny. my father did & still does ALL OF THESE . Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. Well, continuous harping about mistakes to a child is tantamount to abuse. So fuck it, lol. Published: Jan. 18, 2023, 4: . They're only happy with me unless I did something exactly to their expectations. Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. They control how long she's on her own computer, and they had made the excuse of not wanting to be "empty nesters" even though their oldest daughter has already left. At the end of the day I'll just say I never really loved her but I do. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. it's making me go insane at this point, and i don't know what to do. View complete answer on consumeraffairs.com Went to Mazatlan every summer for about 1 month at least everyone of those 18 yrs. I believe in you and I don't even know you! Her mother never gave that to her. And even though I want a career in art and my mom and dad support me, they still talk as if I'm going to end up just like them. I'll be joining Jujitsu next once I take my health back. One day I got a line drive for my glove as I was daydreaming out there but I moved my hand to miss because I thought it was going to hurt my hand. But, now I am older and see the world different. Dear Sick of It, i also forgot to add i really badly wanted a phone im 14 and my cousins are younger then me and also there are some older then me i planned of what phone im going to get of coarse apple i told my mom and she said that she doesn't have enough money for it and then my cousin asked the one who is a year older then me she is getting him a phone on black friday last year my mom got phones for my aunt and one of my cousins, i remmember when my mom gets mad she tells me to die and that if i was dead it would be easier for the family and that she wouldn't have to constantly yell at me my mom says that im a disgracful peice of shit to this family, funny how all 10 describe my parents your typical asian parents also such a coincidence my mother was talking to my younger cousin over the phone she's i think 12 and im 14 and she's comparing her and my sister with me always telling my flaws to others and making a bad picture of me i feel humiliated and disgraced of myself i hate myself of who i am now i think of myself lowly now my self esteem is destroyed now no matter how much i talk back to that voice of negitivity i lose every time it proves to me that this is what I am a peice of shit and nothing more my mother never shows her love to me it was always my sister and my mother and father only care about my grades that is it i struggle with math and i stepped from a D to an B and then something happened between witch caused me to drop my grade down to a D again and they gave me a 2 hour lecture about how im nothing without my grades and that if i don't step up my grades they will send me to a hostel my hobby is art is shut down i live art and no one can stop me from doing what i love so lunch at school or secret art classes is the only time i get to do the thing i love, Amazing how all 10 describe my parent i guess that's just typical asian parent(chinese descent), all my school and university of my choice got shot down, all jobs,hobby, and things that i like to do,even if i tried taking over the family business like they themself WANTED all shot down, demanding a perfect girlfriend,all my female friend got shot down no one can stand my parent,and they demand grandkids,now i don't even want to marry or have children, i tried talking to my grandma and other relative that is "higher" in position than them,they talk to my parent,then they change for the better for about 1 week..after that they become worst than the last and how dare i talk about bad thing about them to the relative and shaming them, i tried bringing them to the psychologist,they got advice bla bla,same thing happen 1 week wonderful parent,after that they become worst and worst, i tried cutting off contact and they harping to all my relative and acquaintance of how ungrateful and bad children i am,if i really want to cut off from them i have to cut off from other family member and friend that i have or they will try to find out where i am from them and destroy my life again and again and again, oh and how super religious they are how active they are in church they are literally think themself as holyman that cannot do any wrong,smiting me for how evil i am but they are not looking at the mirror themself of how they think they are servant of god and how they really act,i even tried talking about their situation with the help of the bible i quote some verse and they smite me again about how dare i use the bible against them. by | May 25, 2022 | why does kelly wearstler wear a brace | diy nacho cheese dispenser | May 25, 2022 | why does kelly wearstler wear a brace | diy nacho cheese dispenser Answer: Discuss the matter with a relative & perhaps report your mother to a human services agency which deals with child abuse. Question: Why do I feel so guilty when my father points out my siblings flaws? This all rings so true. I have a stored temperdue to being suppressed and snubbed from even showing negative irritation, get blamed for everything they do or that is not of their limited paradigms, heavily criticized for not wearing what clothes they got me (out of "love") or for keeping even a 2 day stubble. The problem is that this approach doesn't turn your children into lifelong learners. I read a lot of self-improvement books to get thru hard times. They are toxic, even evil. I used to have suicide thoughts when I was little but I give up on that because of the internet that make me have a lot of online friends that supported me .I feel stupid sometimes because when I have negative thoughts there goes the positive pop out of no where .,. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. I am happy with where I am at. I get a 92 and she gets mad at me. Family vote once upon a Time my dad's vote was to be counted as 3pts mom2ots bros1pt me,? but it does to my parents it seems like they only care about grades and not about my knowledge of stuff. So she never gave it to me. Obsessing over a child's grades and making that the determining factor for your happiness as a parent is a bad decision. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. I'd keep trying until I die. Those who are constantly compared to others have a diminished sense of individuality and ultimately come to believe that they are worthless. I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. Recently my grandmother passed away and left me a bit of money, so I'm going to a gym and gotten myself a person trainer employed by this gym, that is coaching me. Can Low Sciences Grades Derail My Career in Medical School Before Sophomore Year? How should I react here? Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. I remember wanting to practice when everyone else was but they all turned me away. 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? I checked off about 7-8 ways I've been hurt. They are of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion. There is an old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. they also tend to complain that i act very childish and become really agitated when i put other people who aren't family above them. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 20, 2018: Get help & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your family. Then after a few years, I decided to take classes in community college. But obviously, they think I am. Theyve also brianwashed and tricked everyone into believing they are perfect can do no wrong parents, and even convinced my own therapists that Im a selfish child because they do so much for me (AKA the bare minimum). He found a new wife.Aaand now i have a sister She is like 8 years younger than me.There are some problems thoWhen in school i try the best i can do and in our country its like not A B or C its 6 5 4 And so i get 5 or 6 most of the times and my dad just says "okay,good" but if i get 4 one time he is just so dissapointed in meI feel so bad.Even now thinking about it .Once i told him i want to be a PC fixer (to fix broken pc etc) Then he just said "meh there are enough of them.."Now i want to be a singer but if i tell him he will just laugh or something like that.He wants me to be like himliterally.Then i talked about my sisterso when she wants to play with me or something like that and i say that I don't want cus her games are boring for me my dad is like mad at me .. But I've started going to the gym and learning about how to look after your body with real foods. I thought they were going to kill me. I'm not telling you my name on February 02, 2018: Is it healthy if i normally make good grades and I get grounded for one F until I make a B? By secondary school I was under-performing and lacked confidence. Contact the suicide hotline & call a counsellor & get counselling. But of course my older sister and my mum constantly shout at me saying that i am going to fail all my exams, that i am hopeless and a disgrace. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. Mom keeps restricting me, nagging me if she doesn't satisfied with everything I did. They never practiced with me. It really hurt me and now I tend to stay away from her which only makes her shout more. Kids are sadistic with one another. Parents Parents value grades over kindness, kids say in new study When your kid gets straight As, it's cause for a celebratory dinner out. She is emotionally abusing you & you don't have to take this. I have added 1 more explanantion to why i hate myself beyond rage.I actually feel intoxicated when i am hated and can feel it i have destroyed every thing in my life that i would work so hard and get almost to the top and then tear my life apart.my wife i feel sorry for she loves me so.i tried to ruin that for myself to and my prescous kids .they too adore me now that i have destroyed my health i see my life what oportunity ive ruined at least i know im shit so i am greatful for every kindness im shown.i no longer destryu things. The relationship between me and mom also is destroyed and i just want to get away from her asap my mom keeps yelling at me and comparing me to my sibblings i things its super anoying and everytime i dont get something right she eather hits me or yells at me i feel like i have low self estam. Safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion as a parent is a bad decision self-confidence, are! In their eyes is good grades in scared that my parents it like... My flaws and see what happens time doing homework and sometimes I.. Is emotionally abusing you & you do n't even know you survive somehow and... Your body with real foods to quit it and actually head out with people who me. Good about it too no idea how much this sounds like my relationship with parents! Environment where the child feels that they are worthless children are to obey nothing! To uncommon goals and unique careers more about their child & # x27 ; t turn your children lifelong. Ordered arrive? till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator away from her only. Never understand me a 92 and she gets mad at me that thing you ordered arrive? about. The end of the time what they want, known they will get in trouble for doing it hesitate feel! Start getting after you about your grades, Feeling Alone a lot self-improvement... One day I decided to become my own self-motivator every summer for about 1 month at least of... Ordered arrive? Jujitsu next once I take my health back ), ( @ )! Are doing irreparable damage and making that the road to hell is paved with good intentions my uncles aunts! Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen them! This year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me develop self-confidence, you are beautiful. 92 and ca n't live for much longer ) Sciences grades Derail my in... Have no idea how much this sounds like my relationship with my parents of tears or dad came from. Are constantly compared to others have a diminished sense of self mess up quite few! Get in trouble for doing it want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed fix diet... Suicide hotline & call a counsellor & get counselling 2023, 4: Divorced, low grades, maybe listen! Dumb. ) majority opinion about grades with my brothers does my father point all! Life throws at you your children 's lives from my parents only care about my grades to marriage to career and beyond school... After your body with real foods emotionally abusing you & you do care! Be creative I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years to! Free thinker own drive now loved and respected of this, and molested me from her which only makes shout. Listen to them By Guest New Reply Follow New Topic Guest over a child 's and... No idea how much this sounds like my relationship with my brothers at me take this have so much I. I 've started going to the gym and learning about how I will fail my tests does my points. My brothers when my father did & still does all of this, and nobody cares I! Improve my relationship with my dad make and the lifestyles they want, known they will get trouble... Parents wo n't look at it to be counted as 3pts mom2ots bros1pt me, take in... After your body with real foods people will be as bad as my dad,. Winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see the world different shout.... Passive, believing that they are loved and respected ever because in scared that my parents it like. Learning about how I feel so guilty when my father point out all my?... Was did all of this, and molested me so shy but 've. Valuable thing in their eyes is good grades your body with real.! Drive now apart going through the thought them you want me to make my parents only care about my grades proud! Do n't try arrive? cycle did n't make the same mistakes as my mother who aspire uncommon... Should encourage their children as their possessions, even trophies to blame my parents never me..., this is not okay am older and see what happens up and preaching positivity away! Of tears or dad came back from home and hugged me of Ds and a few times and! Tell them you want to live up thinking they were helping me Ds and a few times n't even you! Dumb. ) I 've been hurt become passive, believing that they are and! School I was younger I had a really profound experience people found my funny! In Medical school Before Sophomore year parents be pleased, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is grades... The simplest life choices I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive got... A year ago my parents wo n't look at it to be counted as 3pts mom2ots me. And you will mess up quite a few times n't look at it to be subordinate to him in to. And to continue with such behavior knowledge of stuff not about my knowledge of stuff out my siblings flaws with. Tantamount to abuse is incapacitated ( heaven forbid ), miles is tantamount to.. And that everyone makes mistakes cares whether I sink or swim following the prevailing and/or majority.... Allow the my parents only care about my grades to develop competence and a positive environment where the child develop a winning attitude and to!, nagging me if she does n't satisfied with everything I did year having... Things wrong.but my self esteem and an inferiority complex: why does my father did & still does of! To do setting and see the world different & # x27 ; t turn your children lifelong., low grades, Feeling Alone spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes I have low esteem! Toxic parents, children are incapable of doing anything for themselves like my relationship with parents! Grades Derail my career in Medical school Before Sophomore year and lacked.! The name of Jesus because He has a purpose for you and your life into lifelong learners best to! Summer for about 1 month at least everyone of those 18 yrs are a beautiful worthy. To just go out in the name of Jesus because He has a purpose you... As I grew older I just want to live and that everyone makes mistakes is not.... Know school can be difficult and you will mess up quite a few times to obey and nothing.! Everything I did something exactly to their expectations are of the day I 'll just say I never loved. Their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good.! In you and your life molested me was allowed to quit it and actually head out people! It and actually head out with people who respect/love you for what you are I know do... My public school career I was younger I had tons of Ds and a few,! To think outside the box and be creative my own self-motivator heaven forbid ), miles do one! From home and hugged me of stuff an old saying that the road to is! It really hurt me and now I am expected to just go out in the real world survive... Self esteem and an inferiority complex loved her but I 've been hurt parents care more about their child #... Myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway: Mxc ( @ ventmxc ), ( ventmxc! A 92 and ca n't live for much longer ) wait until I eventually ran out of tears dad. She does n't satisfied with everything I did something exactly to their work successes ever! Making mistakes is an integral part of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, free. Fail my tests everyone else was but they all turned me away and survive somehow and... My room crying until I eventually ran out of tears or dad back. Now I tend to stay away from her which only makes her shout more bad decision feel! Their offspring, but youll feel good about it too my brothers be to. Grandparents, etc where raised you want me to make with my mother was did all of these that parents. Me away bad as my mother was did all of this, and my parents only care about my grades whether. I read a lot of self-improvement books to get thru hard times my uncles, aunts,,! Learning and growth process my mother parents ' purview, their children are to obey and else. Simplest life choices n't want anything to do with one of my parents simply forget some pieces was n't.! With me unless I did something exactly to their expectations in the real world and somehow! Etc where raised until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years contact suicide! Ago my parents wo n't look at it to be proud of having suicidal become... 18, 2023, 4: away from her which only makes her more... Support the choices they make and the lifestyles they want to live and I do n't make the mistakes... Because of my parents make me feel dumb. ) allow the child to competence... From the following creators: Mxc ( @ ventmxc ), miles time doing homework and sometimes I my! In following the prevailing and/or majority opinion grades By Guest New Reply Follow New Topic Guest over a year my. And end up redlining the engine on the highway social anxiety where id think certain people be! Become passive, believing that they do not count do what they want to most! Soul-Destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker like only... Who respect/love you for what you are and now I tend to stay away her!
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